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Do You Need a Divorce Doula?

meet marta musolf

Divorce is one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life and, if it touches yours, there is a forever mark left behind. The fear and scarcity around re-learning how to become an individual player in a team sport is enormous. Add in kids under 18 and the intensity triples. 

Looking back at my own divorce over a decade ago, the only clarity I felt was the need and desire for “the process” to be different for my young children. I didn’t want to hate my ex or have my children grow up in a home where there was constant strife. We were splitting up because of those reasons, and certainly didn’t want to continue to live in those unhealthy behaviors. I knew there had to be a better way.

After a frustrating decade of watching difficult divorces play out in many friends’ lives, I went on a quest to find the best way to help others through theirs. I received the Rule 114 Neutral with the State of MN and can mediate divorce cases here in MN. Nationally, I am working on my Coaching Certification and am also working within the Collaborative Practice field in an effort to guide couples through the process of separating/divorcing with less conflict.

“You are going to get so much out of working with Marta. Her wisdom & support are unending, paving the way for clarity and ease around any hurdle that comes up.”

Jen, Minneapolis

As a Divorce Doula, I help individuals sort through the overload of information, the confusion and the emotion of the uncoupling process. I provide steady support in a time where inconsistencies and inaccuracies become the norm. The ways to support you are many, but include a combination of identifying goals and future self, current status within family relationships and a deep-dive into your family history with divorce. This information, along with a healthy dose of intention and honesty, will help you to discover the path that feels good for you and your family moving forward.

Webster’s defines Doula as “a woman, typically without formal obstetric training, who is employed to provide guidance and support to a pregnant woman during labor”. 

For this work, a definition of a Divorce Doula translates to “a woman person, typically without formal obstetric law school training, who is employed to provide guidance and support to a pregnant woman person during labor divorce.”

I’ve identified a few areas where the current systems, the old ways, of separating/divorcing need restructuring. One is that the modern family may not reflect that of the typical “traditional” roles. The other is that the legacy of divorce that was left to us by our parents and their parents before doesn’t reflect today’s family systems or priorities and should be left in the past. Witnessing old patterns and behaviors that are more reflective of a decades’ old belief system is one of the many ways that we can overcome the stigma and fear that separation/divorce carry.

I believe that we each arrive here with dreams, desires and destinies to fulfill. It is my wish to see you reach yours by helping you remove the barriers that your marriage, separation and/or divorce might still be creating.

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