Is this the Woo?

a skeptic reflects on her life choices

Is there woo in my life without my even knowing it? That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

A decade or so ago, I was going through an incredibly difficult breakup. The high-school romance, been together for 6 years type of break-up. You know the one? It was that first heartbreak compounded with a vulnerable time in my life (floundering outside of college for the first time!) that left me an absolute wreck. 

I’d been drinking too much. I’d been eating horribly. My self-confidence was at an all-time low. I had recently moved to a new city on my own. The loneliness of my one-room apartment was suffocating. I was taking sleeping pills to get through the night. I was coming to the realization that I wasn’t very passionate about the graduate program I was in. I was 23 and feeling completely unsure of the direction my life was heading. 

This isn’t an unusual story for a 23-year old, I’m sure. Most of us go through some sort of life-altering break-up in our 20s. That heartbreak catapulted me into necessary change. I left my graduate program. Walked away from a scholarship and fellowship. Lost my entire deposit by breaking my lease. Moved 300 miles away with my best friend and a u-haul full of shit neither of us really needed. Her mom was dying of cancer, and over the next 6 month we basically survived off boxed pasta, crappy TV, and if I’m being honest, an unreasonable amount of Bacardi Limone. But the point is that we survived. 

The journey brought me to a city where I felt more alive. I reconnected with a guy I’d always had a crush on. Fell head over heels in love with the man I would marry. Watched my best friend say goodbye to her mom. Started my first blog. And slowly started picking up the pieces of myself that I’d left somewhere between Cedar Falls, Iowa, and Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Is there woo in my life without my even knowing it? That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

This is the first time I’ve ever written about this period in my life. It almost feels like I’m writing about someone else, while at the same time I feel so intimately connected to what this girl went through. It was a mess, but it was my mess.

Today, when I’m up early in the morning walking along the Copenhagen Harbor where my husband I live with our dog Walter, where I’m running a business, doing work I enjoy, I find myself wondering how I ended up here. Retracing my steps reminds me of how many other directions my life could have gone. How grateful I am to have found myself and somehow created a life that I am unquestionably in love with.

In those moments it’s hard for me not to feel like there’s a bigger power out there. Someone making sure I find myself in the Universe. Someone or something that knows my destiny and is carefully nudging me along in the right direction.

And that’s all the woo you’re gonna get from me today, okay? 

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